Thursday, September 29, 2005
What have Sony ever done for the games industry Reg ?
You know what ? Sony piss me off ! And heres why ! They've done pretty much fuck all to get where they are today in the games industry ! Everything they've sold is through bullshit marketing, where quality is worth sod all and making shit look like gold is everything. Innovation ? Great ideas ? Yeah right, bollocks - all they've done is attracted the chavs and got the kids thinking that Playstation is cool because they can play games with swear words in. Wow, I'm impressed.
Sega are unfortunatly gone now, at least from the hardware side of things, but at least there are competitors around that want to progress the industry forward beyond getting the next bloody GTA game on the shelves. Nintendo might be going a bit senile in their autumn years, but at least they've still got the balls to try something new when it comes to hardware - although some games without the same bloody characters from the past 20 years in would be nice ! Those cows only have so much milk for christ sake ! Thing is, Nintendo are losing alot of third party support and this latest controller of theirs isn't going to help matters. They're very stubborn in their ways, which could lead to the same fate as Sega faced.
The main competitor to Sony is of course Microsoft, who have done well to get their foot in the door and I have to say have made me a happy gamer since the arrival of the XBox. But before then, I'd owned pretty much every games console thats ever been out and like any other hardcore gamer, was interested in seeing what the Playstation had to offer when it emerged. I buy the console at launch and of course one thing that sticks in my mind is the demo Sony released. Remember the T-Rex stomping along ? Remember how nice that Manta Ray looked ? Cause I do. Remember the games that came out on Playstation that looked like those demos ? Cause I fucking don't ! Although games like Wipeout and Tekken were fun at the time, the main memories I have of the PS1 are constant returns to the poxy shops to have the faulty consoles replaced and those fucking rancid, god awful, hair and dust humping bitch discs !
What in the name of christ was that black coating supposed to be good for ! Well, besides maybe increasing software sales cause you had to keep replacing the bastards after they got scratched from the oxygen in the room skiming the surface ! But then, the only competitor at that time was Sega with the Saturn and Nintendo with the N64 - both with hardly any games cause they had practically no third party support and the bullshit Sony marketing wheel had started to turn.
Then came the PS2 and wouldn't you know it, another demo. This time it was a very nice looking little duck demo. "This is what the games could look like !" And with that, the audience masterbated and Sega died as a hardware developer. Now, lets look at all those cool games that came out that looked as good as that duck demo.... Oh, wait a minute ! Oh yeah ! We can't because there fucking aren't any !
But hey, at least the reliability of the PS2 was improved over the last console right ? Yeah right, bollocks ! I took that poxy thing back practically as many times as the PS1 ! In fact, this time around, you even had the creator of the Resident Evil series come out and say that faulty PS2's contributed towards Sony's sales figures due to the Japanese finding it cheaper to just buy a new console, rather than get it repaired.
Now of course, Microsoft are around and not only that, have gotten noticed and are releasing the XBox 360 well in advance to a release of the PS3. Shitting their pants over this, what do Sony do ? Release ingame footage to show how great their next console will be ? Yeah right, not when the games look no different. To the Sony marketing mobile ! We'll shove a bunch of new demos out and some bullshit CGI vids and use that key line "this is what the games could look like !" We'll also talk about PS2 sales figures like we do in every speech for about an hour and sink to petty name calling for good measure... Ken, what can we say to make Microsoft look stupid ?
Ken Kutaragi: "uhhhhhh, 360 rook rike Xbox 1.5 !"
HAHA ! Very funny Ken that'll show em ! And it won't make us look like cunts at all when the PS3 comes out and looks no different ! Brilliant !
And that people, is why I fucking hate Sony.
posted @ 4:08 pm
1 comments
Review: Red Ninja (XBox)
Red Ninja is one of those games that you shouldn't buy at full price, but is worth a look if you can grab it on the cheap. Its a game that has some great ideas on one hand, but also suffers from the stink of "we didn't actually playtest this before shitting it out onto the shelves and snatching your money". First off, the good points....
For a start, the game has a great lead character in female Ninja Kurenai. Instead of the usual typical Ninja weapons, Kurenai uses the Tetsugen - a wire weapon. This of course leads to some great looking moves and kills in the game. A girl who decapitates, slices in half and rips the limbs off people she doesn't like - just pure wife material. Just don't tell the crazy bitch that the room is going to be a colour anything than what shes said.
Theres also some nice moves in the game when it comes to the platform areas and playing as a female Ninja, you even get to seduce some of the more stupid guards before stabbing them in the face. You also get to use the Tetsugen to swing, climb and change the enviornment by pulling down the odd weak beam, etc. Thing is, the good points of the game tend to really revolve around Kurenai and her unique weapon.
Now the bad points. The graphics aren't wonderful, pretty much around the level of Tenchu. But they aren't going to burn your eyes either. The speech in the game could have done with the option of being able to choose Japanese with English subtitles, simply because the Japs always seem to get into it more and make it better than some tosser who walks in probably hung over, spews out the lines and then says "can I have my money now ?"
The biggest pain in the arse about the game though has to be the camera. That FUCKING camera ! It hates you with every essence of its being ! If it could speak, it would tell you how much it dispises you and ridicule you as you play ! It makes sure you have the worst view possible for everything you do. Even though you can steer it around with the right analogue, it just doesn't seem to make it much better as you have to constantly readjust it for just about everything you do. This is made even more frustrating by the fact that alot of the jumps and wall runs you need to do, require a decent amount of skill to pull off without breaking Kurenai's neck on the floor below. Plus, even without the camera coming into it, landing a number of these jumps seems to rely on luck rather than skill. So combine this with the camera and areas that demand you do every jump right or start at the beginning of the area again (or just die), then it doesn't matter how little you've paid for the game, you'll still want to put your forehead through the disc !
Thing is, through this frustration, the main character is cool to play as and its fun sticking some bastard, then running circles around him, decapitating his buddies with the line as you do it. But those bloody developers responsible for the ingame camera should commit seppuku with a fucking hammer !
Overall Score: 5/10
posted @ 3:09 pm
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Friday, September 16, 2005
Introduction to English Redneck's Rants & Reviews
For the last few years or so, I've written game reviews for a few various web sites. These were done because I love the industry so much and hope that oneday, some wonderful magazine people will say "Wow ! He's like some god or something, we must employ him !"
Yeah right, fuck off - I did them because of the lure of free games.
Overall though, typing out reviews kinda grew on me. But at the same time, I hated the kiddy friendly side of it all. Sometimes a game comes along that actually sucks so much, that it becomes preferable to actually lick the crusty dried shit from around a camel's arsehole, than play it. Sometimes, it needs to be said that some developers deserve to be taken to a bridge, stood on the railing with a rope around their legs and the other end tied down, then given a hard push so that they swing into a fucking oncoming lorry - so that their shite games need never rape our wallets again.
I decided it was time to go out and express my uncensored views of games and the industry in general. But then why pay for a site when I can just ponce a blog spot for free.
posted @ 11:51 pm
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