Thursday, February 23, 2006
Moment Of Unwanted FameAnother month, another wonderful experience in the world of gaming and more exposure to the biggest twats living on the planet. Recently, I was happily playing my way through some Perfect Dark Zero and grudgingly playing against the CPU on Dead Or Alive 4, when suddenly I'm notified that I have a new message. I check my humble inbox and find that someones sent me a friend request. I have no idea who the person is and I'm left wondering why they sent it. I haven't played them anytime recently or they'd be on my list of recent players on the dashboard. Just in case its someone from a forum that I go on though, I don't decline it and leave it until I can find out who it is.About an hour later, another pops up and its the same situation. Then another, and another. Then the next day, I sign in and I have like another four friend requests waiting for me. I'm left confused because although I've had friend requests before, I've never had so many coming in at once. The only conclusion I really come to is that maybe one of the players I recently met such as Vixen or one of her friends has passed my gamertag along to them while I haven't been around, but I don't bother asking.A few days pass and I'm starting to get pissed off with the constant "You have a new message" note flashing up on the screen as I'm trying to play through my games. I was starting to turn into something like that weirdo Bjork when she attacked that media girl as she arrived in Hong Kong.*Some complete bloody stranger wants to be your friend* "YAAAAAHHHH !!!!!! FUCK OOOOOOOF !!!!!" and other fun and violent reactions.Then, another message pops up - two in fact, but not friend requests. Nope these were voice messages from someone I've never met. I plugged in my headset and pressed the play button, expecting someone to say "Hi, I've seen you on a forum and wondering if you'd like to play *insert game title here* sometime."Thats not however, what I actually had said to me, or more accurately, screamed at me. No, this is generally what I actually heard through my headset at the top of his voice...."OH MY FUCKING GOD ! HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE ANY GOOD AT GAMES !!!??? HOW CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BOAST ABOUT BEATING FUCKING FIFA, MADDEN AND KING KONG !!! THATS FUCKING SHIT !!! THATS JUST WRONG !!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN BRAGGING RIGHTS !!!???"This was followed by..."FUCKING OVER ELEVEN THOUSAND POINTS !!! SHAME YOU'VE DONE FUCK ALL TO GET THEM !!! I'M GONNA FUCKING KICK YOUR ARSE !!!! YOU WAIT AND SEE !!!!"Now, it wasn't just the content of what he said that took me back abit, but the way he was expressing it. It was like he was on the verge of tears, while also being insulted to the point of actually commiting his life to seeing me dead. The best way I can help you to picture the whole tone of this message, is to try and give you a scenario to picture in your head. Lets pretend I have you tied to a chair. Now lets pretend I have everyone you love and care about in life and I am now laughing as I torture and kill every single one of them in front of you while they beg for your help. Maybe for good measure, I am even spitting on them and pissing on you - have an annoying laugh and look alot like that evil kid who makes fun of Dumbo's ears before getting him split up from his Mum. Picture your reaction to that and that pretty much sums up the mood of this guy as he screamed those words at me.So anyway, after the buzzing in my ears from the screaming stopped, the good, sensible part of me - the part that is fully aware that I'm 27, tells me to just ignore this guy, be all grown up and let this hostile individual just vent his frustration and move on. After sending him a voice message full of abuse, another voice message from someone else pops up and is generally said in the same tone. And in case you're interested in feedback about the 360 facilities Microsoft - I found the voice messages to be quite small. I had to use around ten of them to fit in all the abuse I wanted to reply with at times. A few more came along and I even decided to have some fun by making out as though the likes of King Kong and Madden were the hardest games EVER and that this entitled me to actually be referred to as some sort of God that they should worship and look up to. Childish yes, but if you're going to be made into a fuckwit virgin's complaints desk, you might as well make some entertainment out of it.But then, the words "Bragging rights" popped into my head - it had occasionally been mentioned amongst the waves of abuse. I'd heard these before ! But where ? Then I realised that Bragging Rights was a small section of the Official XBox 360 magazine - attached to the letters page. On top of that, I occasionally post on their magazine forum online. Ah, the mystery of the friend requests and random abuse was about to be solved. I posted a message asking anyone with the new mag to take a look and see if I had been added to that section this month. I also had my Cousin look through the mag as I chatted to him and after a quick flick through, it turned out that I was indeed in the magazine.The magazine staff had taken a part of a forum thread I had been chatting in and pasted it in the mag. I was discussing what games I had completed so far and what I was currently trying to unlock at that time. Somehow, that was translated into me bragging about it. My Cousin read back the message I had in the mag and this is what it said (from what I remember)."Not that its anything to brag about, but I've completed Madden, Fifa, King Kong and Call Of Duty 2 so far and I'm now working my way through Perfect Dark Zero and Quake 4. My gamerpoints aren't doing too badly so far :-)"I have the mag from like two months ago and found the bragging rights section. I'm guessing that this over the top, riot provoking bragging violence I've had printed, is inbetween two or three other people saying something along the lines of "I'll crush anyone on Perfect Dark Zero and then hump their corpse until I can hump no longer !" or "PGR3 is MY game !!! I will own all of you scrubs !!!"So how great is that ! Not only have I incurred the wrath of losers across the Country for a space in a magazine, the size of a fucking postage stamp, but my first ever appearance in a gaming magazine is of me "boasting" of my amazing feats in conquering a bunch of piss easy games that you'd have to be labotomised to find challenging.Its like that wonderful time I got to the top of the Battlefront 2 scoreboard - only this time they've given the tossers my details to contact me directly. Its so fun being me in the gaming world lately.
posted @ 4:30 pm
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