English Redneck's Rants & Reviews

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Console Comparisons 2007

I haven't posted for a year, but when your audience is small and doesn't give a shit, its easier to get away with it. So what better way to come back, than to write a post that is guaranteed to upset and piss off a good 95% of the audience, which when I last checked up on was about five people.

This post is essentially my views of each of the three main consoles in their current situation and where I see it going and needing to go. That's where the fun lies in this subject, cause for every person with a decent opinion, there are fifty fucktards that will reply with a one sentance answer that just totally blows any arguement and well thoughtout opinion out of the water. These answers tend to consist of arguement settling "words", such as:
suckz
OMG !!!!!1!!11!!!1!
FTW
WTF
iz best cuz it got "insert game title here"

You know what though ? For the slagging off I'm giving these guys, if they were involved in politics, arguing over the state of our Countries on TV, I would watch every fucking day ! I mean George W. comes pretty close, but he still doesn't quite hit the mark. With the state of society overall though, I wouldn't be suprised if they come up with a fuckin Prime Minister/President X-Factor show soon, at least then they'd have the stupid text speak teen mob motivated into voting.

So onto the main point I'm supposed to be talking about, I'm actually going to section it off into three seperate parts. That way, if any of you are one of those sad wanker types I've mentioned above, you'll be able to skip straight to the console you, uh, fight for. And incidentally, those Army ads you see before you view upcoming game movies on various sites - they don't sign you up to the Sony/Microsoft/Nintendo Armies. They land you in Iraq - and there's no respawns. That tip is free. Fuckin freaks.

XBox 360
Microsoft have done pretty well with the console to this point. Live has evolved into something that can be seen as worth the yearly membership fee and the games are coming along nicely. Although the console has lost ground to the Wii, I can see it coming out on top by the time the next batch of consoles start hitting shelves. The main thing Microsoft has done right has to be the titles they are securing, even if a number are just timed exclusives. Thing is, for all thats being done right, you just can't escape that ring of death shit. Of course there are people that claim they've had no problems, but theres no hiding it and it remains the key negative note on the console.

The PS2 recieived similar comments, questioning reliability as being a factor in the large sales figures. Apparently, particularly in Japan, it was cheaper to just buy a brand new console, rather than send the current one out for repairs. This is a problem that needs to be stamped out, or Microsoft risk losing a good amount of the customers they've gained. Afterall, this isn't the OS market, people have a realistic choice and will take their money elsewhere when you piss them off enough, a lesson Sony has been learning all too well lately.

Another negative point is to do with the downloadable content. Some developers, such as Besthesda, I have nothing but praise for. They have given great support to what I see as one of the best titles money can buy right now - Oblivion. But then, you get these other "shady" downloads. When you bought Chromehounds, did you notice how the download content was really small in size ? This same thing seems to be happening with Beautiful Katamari. The reason these downloads are so small is because they're not actual proper download content. They are a key, a key that unlocks the content, on the disc, that you've ALREADY FUCKING PAID FOR !!!!

And so the shitty, yet predictable bullshit of micro transactions begins ! Its bad enough that you pay for it through Mickey Mouse Microsoft points, that are there to throw shit in your eyes, shielding your view away from what it's really costing you in real money, but this kind of crap really takes you for a prized Donkey's balls sack ! When I bought Chromehounds, I don't seem to remember seeing a warning on the box that read "comes with a free kick in the bollocks !" Maybe Beautiful Katamari will, if so, maybe one of you guys might be able to update me on it.

And that fucking motto box for your profile, that was designed for people with something clever to say eh ? I mean, 21 spaces, what the fuck, am I gonna do with all that space !? Shit, Maybe I'll write an autobiography !

So where do Microsoft go from here ? Well, I think we have to accept that we're going to be covered in cotton wool when it comes to protection from the typed swear word (or anything remotely unpleasent), while then proceeding to go online, only to have an 11 year old scream that you're a cock sucking n***** fag.

But advice I would give would be to first, make sure that the reliability issues are dealt with so that it doesn't become a factor hovering over the next console. Next, improve some of the general community stuff, such as creating a decent player profile that others can view and chat options that allow you to have more than one person in private chat. Also, it would be nice to see a more solid release schedule for the Live Arcade. For every great game, there seems to be a large number of shit games filling the weeks. But in terms of the games we're buying from shop shelves, things seem to be on track with plenty of great titles on the way.

Playstation 3
You know what ? I've figured it all out, this console started life as a horribly gone wrong bet between the likes of Ken Kutaragi, Kaz Hirai and George Harrison. Having gained such a big lead with the Playstation 2, Nintendo seemingly waiting to be finished off with a baseball bat and Microsoft winning a few minor victories. These guys decided to have a "can you top this" game, where they each make complete and utter fuckwads of themselves as much as possible, while still selling millions of PS3 consoles.

Unfortunatly, an unforseen circumstance surfaced and the general public seems to have developed a level of intelligence where they won't actually just buy anything that has the Playstation brand stamped on it. And now, Sony are stuck in a pit they dug themselves and stuck up shit creek without a paddle. They've lost the big position they had over Microsoft in being able to grab the majority of titles and the power to grab the bigger exclusives/timed exclusives.

The latest mistake is to release this 40gb version of the console that is set to replace the 60gb version. No memory card slots and less HDD space on a console that is starting to push people into downloading games like Warhawk rather than buying them from store shelves ? The only plus point that can be taken from this, is that its pushing people on the fence into buying the 60gb version before it's phased out completely, helping sales in the short term over Christmas.

The big mistake overall has been the Blu-Ray format. In their almost obssessive determination to shove this format down our throats. Sony have made a huge cock up. Now, in a perfect world, Blu-Ray would be wonderful, everyone would be watching movies in Hi-Def and the games ? Well, they'd all be huge ! But this isn't the case and this format has been pushed way too early. It seems developers hate working with the PS3. Not only that, but it's very costly for them. This means that no bastard is going to sit down and make a huge game with all this space available, when they're not going to see enough profit coming back. Plus why are developers going to make a version of their game for the 360 that will sell shitloads and then lose money trying to make a better version for the PS3, which won't bring back as much profit because of the much smaller consumer base ?

This leads to the other negative point about Blu-Ray - it is a cost too expensive for the public. Both Sony and Microsoft are promoting the Hi-Def route, but with Sony, its like you're being dragged kicking and screaming by your fucking legs into it. Nowhere near enough people own an HDTV right now to warrant the extra cost of owning a PS3. Both the PS3 and 360 look better in HD, but you don't need it to play the games. But then, what does the PS3 offer over the 360 to warrant the extra cost in price ? It seems that the 360 has the upper hand in terms of the upcoming choice of games and the online service, although free, is very much inferior to XBox Live.

This leaves you with a built in Blu-Ray player, a fucking movie format that most consumers can't even take advantage of right now. Yes, HDTVs are coming down in price, but not enough for the average guy trying to convince his other half that it's a great idea to piss a grand into the wind to get the most out of his new Playstation setup. Can't imagine Santa squeezing his fat ass down people's chimneys to fill that Christmas order for the kids either !

What Sony need to do is take this fuck up on the chin, keep the 60gb version with its usual setup and bring the price down to as close to the 360 as possible, at least matching the 360 Elite. They then need to work on exclusive titles that Microsoft can't rip from their hands. A new God Of War, a new Demolition Derby game with online play. They then need to get Home out and keep developing new ideas to add to it, just as Microsoft did with XBox Live. Plus they really need to work on the communication online. Get something going so that every PS3 owner has a headset - typing is shit in games, no fucker wants their head blown off while they try to explain to their team what they're going to do next.

Then its a case of waiting to see what happens in the next year. A combination of Home and titles such as MGS4, Lair and Final Fantasy might yet just pull Sony out of the gutter and get things going. But its going to take a release schedule with more muscle behind it than that to keep things going. And that whole grabbing games that are already out on 360 three months to a year prior, with fuck all improvments or notable changes ? Yeah that has to stop.

Nintendo Wii
Who would have thought it - just as it seems Nintendo are about to die in the home console market, they kick the coffin lid off and run across the graveyard screaming, while running after Sony and Microsoft, showering them with bullets from an automatic rifle.

The Wii has been selling as well as Jessica Alba would if she could make submissive sex slave clones of herself, going for a tenner. No doubt this Christmas, parents and partners will be beating eachother with large blunt objects and selling themselves on street corners to grab one of these, rather than suffer the concequences of not delivering the goods at the end of December.

So with all this glory, how could anything possibly go wrong ? Well simply because of the release schedule, unless you're 8 years old, it's shit ! Don't get me wrong, there's some great titles out and a few on the way, but just look at the release schedule and you'll find anything good drowning in a sea of shit such as:
My French Coach
Shrek Babies
Pippa Funnell: Ranch Rescue
Princess
Action Girlz Racing
Alvin And The Chipmunks
My Horse And Me
Cheggers Party Quiz

See the worrying picture there ? I mean Alvin and the fuckin Chipmunks ? Wow ! Better get fucking saving for that gem ! And what fucked up, sad, retarded bastard who should have been aborted came up with a fucking Cheggers game !? Is Ken Kutaragi offering ideas to Nintendo now or something ? For fuck sake !

Yeah, I know Nintendo have always been focused on family fun. But somewhere, it seems that they're forgetting that a family consists of older members too and somewhere, the idea of fun is being stamped on while certain developers shit down it's neck !

Third party support, not fucking third world support Nintendo, you silly bastards ! Bring on F-Zero that's what I say - especially using that wheel which we'll be using for Mario Kart. And kick these developers up the ass too and get them making games which older gamers can enjoy. I'm not saying bollocks to the kids, I'm saying there needs to be a balance here - I'm sure I remember the idea being inclusion, not exclusion.

That's really the issue that needs to be addressed by Nintendo. I would say that it could do with better online support, but its not really a prime concern with this console and I doubt Nintendo are too bothered about it. Afterall, the whole point of the Wii is family and friends fun. If you're not all in the same room, flailing around like idiots and laughing at eachother, then the atmosphere the Wii is meant to bring is gone. So little is needed in terms of online support, beyond of course an online Pokemon RPG, etc. But unless that one major issue is seen to, Nintendo risk screwing up this initial massive breakthrough and losing a lot of momentum.

posted @ 9:15 am
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