English Redneck's Rants & Reviews

Monday, March 20, 2006

Censorship On XBox Live

A few years ago, XBox Live was going to be this amazing worldwide community. A place where people from all over the world could meet and play games. And according to all the pictures in the early (and current) advertising, we'd all have big smiles on our faces and be sitting in a room of friends on a couch and we'd all be of various races and sex, because we are all tolerant, wonderful people and respect eachothers ethnic background. And of course we want our couch of ethnic variety to meet other smiling couches of ethnically varied people.

Early on in the advertising, we were also introduced to what must be, the only politically correct trash talker on the face of the Earth - at least when it comes to online videogames. "Master of Kung Fu ? Ha ! More like master of monkey poo !" he would say, before being soundly beaten. Then he would say "Right, I'm going to play you on this game now and I will get my friends to join me !"

One is a clean living, non ignorant American student. Another is an English guy working in London who so happens to have his XBox in the office he works and has the gamertag Steel Crumpets (groan). Then of course there is the Japanese guy who doesn't speak a word of English, but would probably make a great friend to confide in if he did. Or he probably would be that anyway, cause at least you could rest easy in the knowledge that he wouldn't go and tell everyone the secrets you just told him.

So the team of worldwide friendship forms and they combine forces to tackle this lone gamer who has defeated and humbled their "trash talking" comrade. But oh no ! The lone gamer now goes on to completely destroy them all on a sports game and turns off the cool sounding Vader style voice masking to reveal the voice of a 12 year old girl ! Oh no ! So the trash talking gamer falls to his knees, almost in tears calling out "Why ?..... Why ??"

Well, out of that, they got the tears right. Of course I've already mentioned in the past exactly what XBox Live is like and for every politically correct, worldwide friendship game that may be going on right now, you can guarantee that theres around a million others that are the complete opposite atmosphere. Of course its no fault of Microsoft - people are just assholes, its common fact.

Of course Microsoft and the game developers do their best to tackle the problem, but in some ways it can become quite comical. Like recently, I'm playing Fight Night 3 and am about to create a private game so I can fight against a friend. I go to set up a lobby for us and have to name it. I type in "redneck" and am instantly prompted to type a different name, as the one I have chosen is offensive and not allowed past the swear filter. Well, all I can say is, thank christ for EA - protecting me against such filth. Our children are safe now eh ? If only we knew our children were in the next room screaming the N word at people down their XBox Live mic at every given opportunity - the cherubs.

Thing is, until some way is found to amazingly seperate various types of players, being put in a position of being offended is unavoidable. We are not all smiling, tolerant and friendly people that use the word "poo" to relieve our frustrations and push our luck with the bounderies of foul language. No, people are alot more open with their beliefs and language in the real world - especially when they are behind closed doors and a TV screen and have a mic stuck to their head.

So my eyes are protected from the terrible sight of the word "redneck", but five minutes later I'll be in a game, with some 13 year old kid throwing the full profanity dictionary at me and screaming the N word at me repeatedly. I guess its kinda like attending a KKK meeting, but with everyone in casual dress. Which is a little different to the initial "people of the world hold hands and smile on a couch" image. In reality, it is indeed a collection of people around the world, but this isn't just the guy who likes to sit back with a good game and meet people from around the globe - hes lost in a sea of complete bastards that have to win and attempt to make your life a misery on the way.

Welcome to the world of online gaming - big smiles everyone !

posted @ 2:18 pm
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Saturday, March 18, 2006
Fight Night 3 Addiction

So I've been playing Fight Night Round 3 lately and have gradually been boxing my way into addiction, which has its good and bad points. Good because I'm in a position now where I can't just buy every game that comes out whenever I feel like it, so having a game that keeps me hooked for ages is great. On the other hand I find myself constantly playing Eye of the Tiger over the actual game music as I play and I've also developed this habit of, moving, ducking and weaving with my boxer as I beat people up over XBox Live.

I also spent 3 hours last night creating Mike Tyson on the create a boxer section. Might try my hand at making Frank Bruno and Joe Calzaghe soon. And Clubber from Rocky.... Cause any game that includes Mr T is worth 40 - 50 quid, its not even a point that can be argued.

My Fiancee had to do a stop off flight coming here from the States before and saw Mr T at the airport. He was wearing a golden spoon around his neck - true story. Wearing a golden spoon around his neck, for me, just underlines his god like status. I'd like a golden spoon.... If only to hit people with it.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if I met Mr T. Would I ask for his autograph ? Maybe I'd ask him to make it more personal, like add a message just for me, so I could make everyone I know jealous, even if its to tell me to go fuck myself or that he didn't understand a word I'd said to him. Maybe I'd just pester him with random talk and annoy him until he'd shout "Shut up fool !!!" - that would make my life somewhat complete. Or maybe he would just skip that and swing for me, but even then, how many guys would be able to tell their grandkids that they got decked by Mr T ? I guess I'd probably settle for the autograph.

He should at least be a trainer in this game - he'd be a cool cornerman too. Me and T would travel across XBox Live, knocking everyone out from all different Countries. But thats not going to happen, and even worse is that I have to acknowledge that EA have actually made an excellent game for once. At the same time though, its kinda sad that this is an EA game, as they will never try to make it perfect with all the extras people would love to see - as other developers would try to do. Instead, they will add a few touches each time that will do enough to sell more copies, but with minimal effort. But at least it is still the best boxing game ever - except for those stupid stun punches and flash KOs. They suck. And people who keep using them are scum sucking, pig humping whores.

Now I must train, I have a fight later and it wouldn't be right to just do it without a Rocky style build up leading upto the match.

posted @ 4:41 pm
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